The life of a plant

It had already been a few weeks since Jonah had planted the seed given to him by Mr. Haze. Initially, everything seemed to be going well: the seed had germinated in the dark, warm soil and fought its way into the sunlight. After that, the small sprout rapidly grew into a sizable plant. But suddenly, its growth slowed down and almost stopped completely. It had not grown for several days. Jonah was gradually unsure whether he should give it a few more days or just dispose of it.

Sadly, he looked down at the plant and scratched his head. "What did I do wrong?" He knew he wasn't exactly a professional grower, but he had often been told that this plant would grow like "weeds". He took one last drag from his joint and extinguished it on a stone.

"Why the long face, dude?" Mr. Haze appeared beside him and familiarly put his white hand on Jonah's shoulder.

"My supplies are running low. Does this mean we won't see each other anymore?" Jonah looked somewhat dejected. As crazy and eccentric as Mr. Haze might be, Jonah had grown fond of him.

"Yes, but when you harvest again, we'll meet again." Mr. Haze Amaze grinned at him warmly.

Jonah shook his head. "Then we probably won't see each other anytime soon." He pointed to his pitiful cannabis plant beside him. "Because of that plant? Hyahaha, don't worry, boy, she's still alive. You just need to give her time and attention. With a bit of skill, she'll explode. BOOM!" Mr. Haze gestured wildly with his hands.

"But that's exactly the problem, my growing skills are quite limited, and I don't know how to..." Mr. Haze made a gesture in the air, and like a zipper, Jonah's mouth closed. Apart from a noise of protest, he couldn't make a sound.

"Shshsh, I don't want to hear such nonsense anymore, you got me? If you think you can't do it, we'll teach you. And I know the perfect place for that." He snapped his fingers, and everything around them began to blur.

Suddenly, it became bright until everything was white, and only Mr. Haze Amaze was clearly visible before him. He looked completely relaxed, as usual. Then he began to stretch and limber up, like a runner before a big race. He did several squats and stretched his long, thin arms into the air.

His clothes were covered with small wet spots, and the first drops of water ran down his large, green head. Was he already sweating from a few exercises?

"Just one second..." Mr. Haze Amaze interrupted his exercises and stared at the ground beneath him.

Jonah didn't quite understand what was happening. But he felt moisture spreading over his body, as if he were standing in a steam sauna.

Suddenly, with a loud pop, a huge drop of water appeared before them. A shiny blue sphere wobbled back and forth in front of Jonah. "Aaaaaand down we go!" Mr. Haze shouted euphorically, diving headfirst into the water bubble and pulling it with him as he disappeared into the ground.

Jonah stood rooted to the spot. He didn't know what to do. Then, suddenly, another water bubble appeared before him, bouncing around merrily. Jonah was unsure: should he just rely on Mr. Haze Amaze again and follow suit? The bubble before him gradually grew larger, reaching the tips of his shoes. When he hesitated further, the decision was finally taken from him as the bubble expanded and sucked Jonah inside. It enveloped him completely, and he felt it slowly moving downward.

When more than half of the bubble had sunk down, Jonah dared to look through the bottom of the sphere he was trapped in. But what he saw took his breath away:

He could see mountains, a vast sea, and wide fields. The frightening thing was the perspective from above: he seemed to float a several thousand meters above the ground.

The bubble continued to sink until only a small area at its top remained in the white mass. It was foreseeable that, in a few seconds, the water bubble would...

"Oh damn sh..." Jonah couldn't finish his sentence as the massive drop broke free. Pressed against the top of his water bubble by centrifugal forces, he plummeted in free fall towards the ground. The mountains below him came closer and closer. Jonah felt a strange mix of panic and overwhelming fascination. He wanted to close his eyes tightly but couldn't look away either.

There were only a few hundred meters left to the ground, and Jonah could see the first details. He was flying towards a large mountain with a big field in its center. A large, round area filled with dark soil. He expected to crash in a few seconds, which he certainly wouldn't survive even with this possibly soft ground. And what would happen then?

As he asked himself this question, the ground continued to approach. The area covered with soil became larger and larger, and he could see small blades of grass sprouting from the ground. But they also grew larger, or was he just becoming tiny again?

Before he could dwell further on this question, he unexpectedly landed softly but still belly-first on the ground and sank slightly into the earth.

A bit clumsily, Jonah pushed himself out of the muddy ground and dusted himself off. Puzzled, he looked around: where had Mr. Haze Amaze gone? When he looked behind him at the ground, he saw the large green head. It was buried up to the neck in the soil, and his red eyes looked directly at Jonah. The top hat was still upright on his head.

Jonah crouched down and examined the green face. Suddenly, Mr. Haze's white gloves shot out of the ground on either side of him and grabbed his wrists.

"C'mon, boy, we got lessons to learn!" With these words, he pulled Jonah down into the deep, dark earth. Jonah made the fatal mistake of starting to say, "Oh fuuu…!"

With his mouth full of dirt, he finally plopped into a sort of tunnel. Mr. Haze Amaze quickly recovered and brushed the soil off his black suit and top hat.

"Not quite where I wanted to be, but who cares?" Mr. Haze shrugged as he turned to Jonah. He grabbed him by his sweater and pulled him up. Jonah spat and coughed up clumps of dirt as he stood back on his feet.

"Warn me next time!" he muttered, still picking dirt out of his mouth.

Mr. Haze Amaze laughed heartily. "Dirt cleanses the stomach, dude. And now come on!" He strode ahead with big steps, deeper into the dark tunnel. Jonah dusted off his clothes and hair, then hurried after Mr. Haze.

After a few meters, they reached a large intersection. The ceiling above them seemed very porous, almost fluffy, and therefore unstable.

"Ah, that's the right spot. Count down! Three!"

"Countdown for what?"

"Two!"

"What are you planning?"

"ONE!"

Jonah crouched on the ground and covered his head with his hands.

“Here it comes!” With a loud crash, something hit the ceiling above and seemed to make its way through the ground. Then a large pile of earth tumbled down from above and piled up in front of Mr. Haze Amaze.

“Oh so beautiful.” Mr. Haze stuck his arms into the earth mound up to his shoulders and pulled out something round.

He held a cannabis seed in his hands, larger than his oversized head, and hugged it like a beloved pet. Then he carefully placed it back on the pile. Out of nowhere, he conjured a large woolen blanket from his jacket and gently draped it over the mound. Then he took off his top hat and turned it upside down. "Now we add a little bit of water." Like from a full bucket, he poured a gush of water from his hat over the pile of earth.

"And now we wait. Let the magic begin! Remember the breeding room: warmth, water, and darkness. That’s all it takes, buddy. And we will witness a miracle of mother nature. So dim the lights!” With a sweeping gesture, Mr. Haze moved the soil masses over the entry point of the seed, and it became abruptly darker. But only a short time later, a pale green light illuminated the cave – Mr. Haze had made his head glow.

Mr. Haze turned around, sat down by one of the cave walls, and waved Jonah over to him.

Jonah followed Mr. Haze, sat down next to him on the ground, and watched the pile attentively. A sweet, spicy scent rose to his nose. Mr. Haze had lit a joint and took a deep drag. Smiling, he held it out to Jonah. “Let’s take a break after the crash. But never do this at home. The plants and seeds react sensitively to smoke. Understandable, right?”

Jonah hesitated for a moment, but what could happen? He was once again in his dream world; he couldn't explain it any other way. So he took the joint and filled his lungs with the sweet smoke.

“Ah, such awkward silence is terrible.” Mr. Haze snapped his fingers, and a gentle and dreamy melody filled the large dome. “Mmmh nice and chill. You have good taste, dude. Lofi, nice thing.”

“But how do you know …” Jonah began.

“I know everything about you, my brother. HYAHAHA!” As often, he didn’t really answer his question and then burst into roaring laughter. Jonah had to accept that he probably wouldn't get an answer to these kinds of questions anytime soon. He contented himself with the fact that this was probably just a new level of being high. He was probably lying or sitting motionless on the couch or in his bed, but in his mind, he was on amazing journeys. Not very elegant, but not necessarily the worst way to be high.

For a while, they sat next to each other, listening to the soothing sounds, surrounded by a thick cloud of smoke, cozy warmth, and dim green light.

Suddenly, the pile of earth seemed to move, or rather what was beneath it. The blanket covering the pile rose, revealing the seed. Its lower half had split open, and a whitish-green root protruded from the soil.

Mr. Haze jumped up from the ground and applauded. “Good girl!”

Jonah also stood up again and watched the spectacle.

Mr. Haze reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a golden pocket watch. With a click, the hinge opened, revealing a white dial with green hands. “Okay, let’s speed things up a bit.” With these words, he turned one of the hands.

Like in a time-lapse film, the newly sprouted plant shed its shell and grew rapidly. It quickly broke through the ceiling, filling the entire room with roots. They formed a dense network, and Jonah feared they would simply engulf him and Mr. Haze.

“Aaaaand enough.” Suddenly, the growth and all movement in the cave stopped. Mr. Haze turned around and grinned. “Come on, let’s keep going.”

He grabbed Jonah by the hand and dragged him behind his back. They stopped in front of a giant root, which was roughly where the small seed had been buried just minutes before. It was wider than Jonah himself and split into countless thicker and thinner side branches.

“Do you remember how you got down here?”

Jonah shuddered as he recalled the disturbing free fall from thousands of meters above. “I was sucked in by that weird water bubble and then literally fell from the clouds! Not exactly the fine way to get me from A to B.”

Mr. Haze laughed loudly. “Yeah, man. It’s raining men. Got it?” Jonah now realized what that fall meant: he had fallen from the sky as a raindrop.

“And now, a test. What nutrients does a plant need to grow, and how do they get into the roots along with the water?” Jonah pondered for a moment but then shrugged. He knew that plants and their roots needed water and that you should water them regularly. But he had never really thought about how the plant absorbed water and nutrients.

“Too long to think. Answer number one…” He pulled a small bag labeled “Early Stage” from his pocket. “In this bag is a gentle mix of mostly nitrogen, as well as a bit of potassium and phosphorus, the three most important nutrients for our plants. But since our girl is still so small, it only gets a little of it.” Mr. Haze opened the bag and took a handful of powder from it. He threw it with a sweeping motion towards Jonah, letting a large portion sprinkle down on him. “The fertilizer gets into the roots with the water.” Jonah gave him a sour look, his face full of fertilizer powder.

“And the second magic word is …” Mr. Haze paused for a moment and spread his arms wide. “Osmosis!”

Suddenly, Jonah felt something pulling at him. A kind of invisible suction seemed to emanate from the root. Like through a magical portal, he and his companion were drawn through the outer wall of the root into its interior.

They were now inside the root and seemed to have shrunk even further. “Osmosis is the process by which plants absorb water with their roots. And since you are currently a drop of water …” Mr. Haze giggled and pinched Jonah’s cheek.

The corridor they were now in was about three meters high, a green tunnel. A shallow stream of water ran between their feet and flowed up the corridor, defying all logic.

“Okay, let’s move on to the leaves. During the vegetation phase, most of the leaves form, and the plant usually grows bushier. And especially the large leaves contribute to the absorption of the much-coveted sunlight. They perform photosynthesis and thus produce sugar, which the plant needs to continue growing. Let’s take the fast lane. Because these large leaves also need a lot of water to grow so big. Do you know what the capillary effect is?” Jonah shook his head.

Once again, Mr. Haze pulled out his pocket watch and turned a dial on the side. The dial showed a sun, which now switched to a drop symbol. “Let it rain, baby.”

Suddenly, a loud rushing sound could be heard in the distance. Behind them, a roaring stream of water appeared and whisked them away through the long green tunnel. After a while, the tunnel split into many smaller passages. With rapid speed, Jonah and Mr. Haze were pulled through one of these passages until it became narrower and smaller.

“Next stop: Stomata! Prepare to drop.” Mr. Haze’s jubilant voice echoed through the rushing water masses. Suddenly, a huge gap opened at the bottom of the passage, through which the water seemed to flow. The two non-swimmers were also pulled through the gap and enveloped again in a large drop of water on the other side of the opening.

Below them was a gigantic cannabis leaf, on which several of the huge drops had landed. With a gurgling sound, their water bubble also dissolved and descended onto the leaf. Cushioned by the surrounding liquid, they landed gently.

“This here, my friend, is commonly referred to as a ‘solar sail’ or ’fan leaves’ . A huge cannabis leaf that can capture a lot of sunlight with its enormous size.” With these words, Mr. Haze passed Jonah and pulled two folding chairs out of nowhere. With a graceful movement, he threw them forward, where they unfolded by themselves.

“C’mon, dude, take a seat.” Mr. Haze threw off all his clothes except for a bright green pair of underwear and his top hat and flopped onto one of the chairs. Jonah walked to the other chair and lay down on it as well. Mr. Haze handed him a green pair of sunglasses and also put a pair on his large, red eyes.

The sun shone brightly in the cloudless sky, causing Jonah to sweat on his forehead. When he looked to the side, he saw Mr. Haze sipping a large colorful cocktail. He had clamped the straw between his wide teeth and slurped the colorful liquid into his massive mouth.

“Aaaah man, I’m sweating. Just like these leaves, the liquid is running out of all my pores. And that’s exactly why you should water them regularly. Water is not only essential for you humans, and you’re not the only ones who can lose water through sweating,” Mr. Haze explained while he swirled the icy cocktail around. Jonah followed his movements and licked his lips. A sip of that would be just right now.

“Haha, no way, boy. You better not drink this cocktail. This is a homemade fertilizer mixture to boost this baby’s growth again. This time with a lot of nitrogen, which they need for growth.” Laughing, he raised the glass in the air and turned it upside down. With a splash, the liquid hit the bright green ground.

As if shaken by an earthquake, the leaf and the entire plant began to rumble and pulse. With creaking noises, the ground beneath them expanded more and more, and the shoots in the distance grew longer. The entire plant seemed to explode in a massive growth spurt.

After a few minutes of this spectacle, the plant calmed down again. Mr. Haze clapped loudly and laughed euphorically. Jonah had been thrown off his chair by the earthquake. Wobbly, he got back on his feet.

“Yeah, nitrogen is the good stuff. But now enough growing. After all, we don’t want to grow wider but higher. So let’s get high!” Again, Mr. Haze took out his pocket watch and turned the side dial until a flower symbol appeared between the hands.

Suddenly, the sun sank much lower, and the color of its light was no longer bright white but rather reddish-orange. It was a very warm and pleasant light, reminding Jonah of a mild day in autumn. “And with that, you’re so right. One hundred points for you!” Mr. Haze seemed to have read his thoughts. “If we want to make this lady bloom, we first have to set the right season for it. Outdoors, she would also only start to bloom in the shorter autumn days, as she sees the end of the year coming.”

His words made sense, but Jonah still didn’t understand what Mr. Haze meant by “high.” But it didn’t take long before he realized what it was all about.

Without really noticing, they were already a few meters higher than they had been a few minutes ago. The plant seemed to be growing again, this time vertically. When Jonah looked at Mr. Haze, he raised his watch in the air and pointed to the dial. Again, the sun symbol was visible, but this time it was only half shown. “To make it clear that the year is coming to an end and she should quickly switch to blooming, you simply reduce the light hours from the summer 18 hours of sun to 12 hours, which corresponds to an average autumn day. And the light color is also just like in autumn, because everything seems rather reddish and warm at this time of year, don’t you think?”

Mr. Haze put a finger on the upper hour hand of the watch, grinned mischievously at Jonah, and spun it wildly in circles. “And now ladies, some stretching exercises.” As before, a violent tremor went through the entire plant, and the leaf they were on shot up. But not only the leaf, also the stems and side shoots of the giant tree stretched like greedy arms towards the sky. Like in an elevator, they raced further and further up, while small flower buds formed everywhere on the shoots and leaf axils.

Directly beside them, a huge side shoot also stretched into the air and displayed its flower. It was still quite small and not very developed. Its thin white hairs protruded like insect antennae from the green calyxes, and a slight white crystal coating had already formed around the smallest leaves and calyxes.

The rapid growth stopped abruptly when Mr. Haze let the hand of his watch rest. “Now look at that beauty. That’s what a healthy flower bud looks like. Magnificent. Do you see these white hairs? These are the flower stigmas. They grow out of the flower, the calyx, to catch pollen and be pollinated. But, like you know, we don’t want that in this case. Once she is pollinated, she puts all her energy into seed formation and no longer into flower and trichome production. That would be a shame.”

Mr. Haze stepped closer to the flower and waved Jonah over. “She’s still small, and as you can see, her calyxes aren’t really big yet. But she has managed all this on her own and with some targeted fertilization. So we should support her in her final developmental phase, don’t you think?” Again, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a long, thick syringe. The word “Bloom-Booster” was written in bold letters on the glass of the syringe. Inside was a shimmering liquid. “Phosphorus and potassium for the bloom works wonders. And of course, I added a few more ingredients, but what exactly remains my little secret.”

Mr. Haze rammed the syringe with full force a few centimeters below the flower directly into the branch and pressed the plunger. Like with the other fertilizers, the flower began to vibrate and tremble as it grew rapidly in size and mass. It almost looked like rising cake dough. The flower stigmas wound through the dense green mass, gradually turning from snow-white to a light brown-orange.

The scent coming from the flower was overwhelming: sweet, spicy, and with a hint of pine. The thick calyxes and the surrounding smaller leaves were bursting with resin crystals, shimmering in the sunlight.

“Take a closer look, boy. If you look at the resin, the trichomes, closely, you’ll notice that they’ve also changed color. First, they’re transparent, like water droplets. But over time, they turn milky white and then amber. What do you think? When is the right time to harvest?”

Jonah thought for a moment. He vaguely remembered reading something about the color change of the trichomes and the optimal time for harvest. “Mmh, I don’t know. Maybe when everything has turned amber?”

Mr. Haze shook his head disappointedly. “Not quite right, but it’s somewhat a matter of taste. Actually, it’s like any harvest: the longer you delay the harvest, the greater the chance of a larger yield, but also the risk that some fruits are already overripe.”

“So that means I harvest before everything turns amber?” Jonah asked him. Mr. Haze nodded eagerly. “And that has another reason. The color change from white to amber is an oxidation reaction, meaning some active ingredients in the trichomes change. THC also turns into CBN as it matures. But some people want it that way because CBN increases the stoned effect. Conversely, the same applies. So just remember: the lighter the trichomes, the stronger the high feeling, the darker, the stronger the stoned feeling. Easy, isn’t it?”

The sun gradually approached the horizon, enveloping them in a cozy warm light. The resin crystals on the flowers shimmered in the last rays of the sun like diamonds. Jonah could have admired them for hours.

Mr. Haze put his hand on Jonah’s shoulder and looked towards the setting sun. “Bedtime. Let’s give our lady her well-deserved sleep. After all, some important processes also take place at night. So let’s call it a day.” He stuck a thick joint between his teeth and lit it. Enjoying, he took two deep drags and handed the glowing joint to Jonah. “Take it. This one is on the house. The next stuff you grow yourself, hyahaha! Now you should know what it’s all about.” Mr. Haze patted his head and laughed. “Oh, and before I forget: I’ll give you this as well, so your plant will perk up again.” He pulled a small bag and two little bottles from his pocket. They were the fertilizers he had used for this giant tree.

Gratefully, Jonah accepted the gifts, put everything in his pants pocket, and the joint in his mouth. He closed his eyes and took a deep drag. When he exhaled, he opened them again but couldn’t see his hand in front of his face due to the smoke. “See you soon, dude.” he heard Mr. Haze’s voice faintly through the smoke.

When the smoke cleared, Jonah stood again in his garden in front of his pitiful cannabis plant. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out the bag and the bottles. He took the bag labeled “Early Stage” and sprinkled the powder on the ground around his plant. Then he took his watering can and let the water pour onto the soil. Just a few seconds later, he saw a twitch go through the entire plant. It straightened its leaves and suddenly looked much more vital than a few minutes ago. Jonah grinned happily and left his plant in the radiant light of the rising morning sun, full of anticipation for the coming days.